Service and Taking Responsibility

Service and Taking Responsibility

I’m so grateful to have found A.A. and to have also found what my problem really is: Self-centeredness and Selfishness. I didn’t believe it at first, I honestly thought it was everyone else’s fault that I continued to drink and I was the victim in it all. But halfway through the 12 steps I could see this wasn’t so. I can now look back and see that before I had started drinking, these defects of character were with me. But that was nothing compared to what these were like after a few years of drinking. I started to get nervous and paranoid around my friends and even had a drink before I went out. Then it came to the stage when I wasn’t able to go out at all and started to cut myself off from the world.

Then years later I came to the part of my life which should have been my proudest and that was becoming a father. But all that did was get in the way of what I wanted to do, and my partner and children suffered for it. I tried to put the drink down and do the right thing, but life would become so painful that I would always pick up the first drink again, and this cycle of events continued for two years until there came a point where I had hurt everyone around me and had nowhere to go. Drink had stopped doing the trick and I was in total despair. This was when I thought about going to A.A.  I phoned the help line and was put in touch with a chap who invited me to go to a meeting. After I had attended a few meetings I got myself a sponsor and embarked on the 12 step programme of recovery, of which service is a massive part.

Four and a half years on I can look back and see that service has changed me and has enabled be to grow up into a responsible adult. I used to be such a people-pleaser and unable to speak up for myself. People used to walk all over me which made me angry and resentful resulting in me drinking more to deal with it. With service I feel that I’ve grown up and am able to deal with life at last.

Early on in my service one thing that sticks out for me was my literature position. When I started it, I remember people would put their drinks on the table where the books were kept and I would have to tell them to remove them. This was extremely uncomfortable as in the past I would let people get away with things just for an easy life. But now I was being made responsible, and dealing with these small situations I was becoming more responsible and have grown, which is amazing. I have also had the privilege of being the secretary of my home group, where I have had to stand up in front of 60-plus people and take the meeting. Sometimes I have got things wrong or have had to speak up if someone is making a disturbance, but from these experiences I have learned and grown more.

Today, I am a responder on the A.A. helpline and love the fact that I can help people onto the Road to Recovery. Service is a massive part of my recovery – but mix it up with great sponsorship, 12 steps, honestly and a willingness to believe in a Higher Power, and you will recover from the helpless state of mind and body which alcohol brings and you will be rocketed into an undreamed of future.

Chris D, Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth

June 2011