My Gratitude

If I had been asked to write about gratitude a little over 3 years ago, I wouldn’t have had a clue where to start; these days however it is not such a tall order.

Before I came into the fellowship I was drinking to blackout all weekend, every weekend and drinking myself to sleep or blackout every night, whichever came first, just chasing oblivion, just wanting my head to stop screaming at me.

Why – given the fact that I had a relatively privileged upbringing and some success in later life – was I so horribly discontented, so desperately unsatisfied with my lot? I was seemingly jealous of everyone and everything, unable to be grateful for my life and the things I had. Worst of all, I felt that friends, colleagues, acquaintances and even strangers seemed to have the ability to get on with life, to progress, to be naturally happy, and I didn’t.
I have heard it described in the rooms that it seemed as though everyone had been given the rule book to life, the instruction manual to live happily – except for me.

From my earliest memories I remember being a discontented child. I never grew up in this and many other regards. As the Big Book says: 'Selfishness, self-centredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles’ (Chapter 5, How It Works, p.62). And I can just as easily apply this phrase to gratitude as I can to other areas of my life.

Without a programme, which includes a daily gratitude list among other simple suggestions, I can easily slip back into that same discontented thinking, to be wrapped up in the bondage and burden of self, my ego that disregards others and elevates myself and my worries, my little plans and designs above other people and my Higher Power’s plans for me.

The gratitude list, particularly when balanced by the other core principles of the programme i.e. living in the day, being of service, thinking of others and giving thanks to a Higher Power etc. allows me to see how incredibly privileged I am.

I don’t just mean in the physical sense either. Yes, I have clothes on my back, food in my stomach and a roof over my head – but today I have so much more. I have peace of mind that I have never known, a sense of place in this world and an overall belief that everything will be alright. I have recovered from alcoholism and I no longer drink – one day at a time.

When my sponsor first suggested that I do a gratitude list on a daily basis I really drew a blank, however he suggested I start with basics. Today the gratitude list has become more than just easy, it is a privilege.

                                                                     Chris JD, Road to Recovery, Plymouth