Ill Health and Maintaining Sobriety
Ill Health and Maintaining Sobriety
My story, really, starts a couple of years before I came into recovery, when I started drinking against my will. At times I was physically unable to drink alcohol without being physically sick. But I would persevere, changing my brand or type until I found something that I could drink without feeling ill. I drank like this for some time and I would occasionally think maybe I should not drink, but that did not last long.
As a result of continual drinking I was diagnosed with ‘polycythemia’ which is an overproduction of red blood cells due to a primary process in my bone marrow. In layman’s terms my blood is too thick – often referred to as ‘sticky blood’. After a prolonged period of drinking heavily my blood became so thick that it caused a blood clot on my brain causing me to have a stroke, inflicting some neurological damage on my body.
During the time I was in hospital recovering from this I was removed from my old friend alcohol. I was only in hospital for about 3 weeks. Those 3 weeks where the longest in my life. Every day was hard work mentally – all I wanted was a drink. This should have been a warning. I did not heed this upon discharge from the hospital. I took myself, with all my clothes and medication still in plastic bags provided by the hospital, and I headed straight for the pub.
I was told by many people I had to stop, I was not interested. If I did not drink life would surely be over for me. So I continued to drink for over a year more. During this year I continued regular checkups at the hospital and every time I would get asked the same question, have you stopped drinking? Of course I had not. Not only had I not stopped but I had started drinking more heavily and more regularly and the consequences became regular. So as we say in recovery I did a geographical. This did not help. I just continued to drink in a different town.
I finally came to a decision. I had to stop drinking before it killed me. My dad had been around the AA fellowship a few years prior so he suggested I go to a meeting. The very next day I found a ‘Where to Find’ in the back of a car I was dismantling for scrap – my higher power I believe. I attended a meeting that week, I heard a message of recovery. Still being very defiant I thought I could do the programme myself with no help. One week later I was drunk, during this spree I suffered a second stroke.
That was the end for me I knew if I did not get a sponsor and crack on with the 12 Steps of recovery I would drink again and would not stop till I was dead! I was still feeling fearful of living without alcohol but knew I could not live with it either. So the day I was discharged from the hospital I rushed to get to a meeting of AA.
That group became my home group. At the end of that meeting I spoke to someone and asked him to be my sponsor. He accepted and asked if I was willing to go to any length for victory over alcohol. I did not really know what that meant but it did not matter what it meant, I was willing. He also gave me a few simple actions to undertake. To which I continue to do today 6 months on. During the last 6 months I have been taken through the Steps up to and including step 9. Also in this time I have continued to attend the hospital for treatment and further tests and checkups.
These have not always gone to plan as a result of my last stroke my blood is not in a stable condition. My blood is still very thick to which I have to have regular venesections to keep my blood disease in check. Also my platelet count has gone up to a dangerous level. So I have had to start treatment for that. For this I have been put on a course of interferon injections which I have to do myself at home. As a result of this I have at times become very depressed and nearly dropped of the AA programme but for sticking close to my sponsor. I hung on in there and redoubled my efforts and just tried to adapt my daily activities to a way of living that does not cause me too much pain and discomfort.
When I find myself feeling down and sorry for myself I pick up my tools and get out of myself and think of someone else or speak to my sponsor. I now find at every home group meeting I attend I am surrounded by a good group of people who would do anything they can to help and always checking how I am coping with the treatment. I have to remember that I am not the only person that has ever been ill. There are many people around me that can and will help. We can have ill health and maintain sobriety.
Jim, Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth